HAMPTON, VA—Explaining that his current employment situation is intended merely as a stopgap, local man Simon Goldinger, 23, confirmed Thursday that he only plans to wait tables until the fundamental structure of the American economy undergoes a complete overhaul.
Goldinger, who started working as a server at the Whitecap Grill shortly after graduating college last spring, told reporters he took the job in order to make ends meet while he waits for the entire economic framework of the United States to be reorganized at the most basic level, creating a sufficient number of adequately paid opportunities for individuals with his level of education and experience.
“Waiting tables is just a temporary thing for me, so hopefully it’s just a matter of time before the exponential gains in productivity from increased automation stop creating redundancies in the labor force and the job offers start rolling in,” said Goldinger, who has on numerous occasions texted his friends to ask if they had heard of any game-changing disruptions to the economic status quo capable of reinventing the role workers like him will play in American life for generations to come.
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