Plus: My friend said I sound stupid when I say ‘to be honest.’ Is that phrase actually offensive?
I had a friend tell me not to say the phrase “to be honest with you,” because it “makes me look stupid.” This admonishment was as unexpected as it was disturbing.
I explained that there are many ways to say the same thing, and doing so does not imply that I was being dishonest previously. I went as far as to give him a list of possible alternatives that I use. They were:— In actual fact …— To be frank …I was met with silence. I don’t believe I am incorrect. My mother, who had a Ph.D. in English and was a famous screenwriter, would occasionally say it and had heard me say it. If there was anyone I’d expect to correct me, it would have been her.These phrases are not in and of themselves rude or vapid. It is what inevitably follows them that usually is: an unsavory opinion, and not an objective fact.
So if Miss Manners could get her readers to stop insulting one another under the name of honesty, she is sure that the expressions would return to being what they once were: benign turns of phrase, not warnings of insults to come.In my day-to-day life, I do not use any cosmetics. However, occasionally, when I go out to an event, I sometimes wear a muted lipstick or a touch of mascara — but really not in an elaborate or flamboyant way.
How do I respond when people I know comment with surprise, “Oh, you are wearing makeup!”? I find such comments embarrassing and do not make them myself, as I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.
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