No doubt they’ve become lovely human beings, but I still don’t want to be around them.
I recognize that the kids who tortured me when I was young were just kids in need of civilizing, and no doubt have grown up to be lovely human beings. I do forgive them, and I wish them well. I have expressed as much to those whose consciences have pricked them enough to search me out.I am being pestered about next year’s class reunion already. It is a milestone year. They want me to see how wonderful everyone has become. They want the chance to apologize and make things right.
I respectfully disagree. My polite responses that I would not be available have been met with exclamations that I am being given so much notice — certainly I can rearrange my schedule to be with them, at least for one of the days. I really do not wish to tell them that scheduling is not the issue, and I suspect that telling the whole truth would only increase their resolve to clear their consciences at all costs.Unfortunately, Miss Manners is sorry to say, your childhood bullies have not, in fact, reformed their ways.
Badgering you to attend an event that you have politely and repeatedly declined is a form of social bullying, and you do not have to tolerate it. Neither do you owe them anything more by way of explanation. Having satisfactorily and politely answered the invitation, your silence — or perhaps one last firm, “I am sorry, but I can’t” — should serve to make the problem go away. If it does not, “It seems that you still have trouble taking no for an answer” might alarm them just enough to be a threat — if they truly are repentant of their unsavory past.
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