A woman with anxiety shares her fear of abandonment.
Today I got in the car after a horrendous day and all I could do was cry. My best friend is giving me the silent treatment and my softball coach won’t play me. Minor things, I know, but in my head, it all felt like too much.
One of my best friends. The sport I want more than anything to be good at. It all felt like it was being ripped away from me. It felt like everything had been ruined with one day. Sometimes the constant stress and fear that everyone will eventually leave becomes my identity. I’m no longer Vicky. In my mind, I am destined to be left again. In an ironically twisted series of events I end up pulling away from those I feel are mad/sad/annoyed. Naturally, I assume it’s my fault. I spend all day racking my brain.
I’ve been here before, and yet I seem to make the same wrong decision every time. You see, this happens to me a lot. It’s actually the main way I feel my anxiety on a day-to-day basis. Every time I pull away and end up doing something that makes no sense — that is, after a good cry.
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