'We sat down with our kids and explained that some people think marriage means you can only love one person, but we didn’t'
Photo: H. Armstrong Roberts/ClassicStock/Getty Images Married Women is a column that explores how women are redefining the rules of matrimony.
We were also primed for it by watching Big Love. It’s definitely melodramatic, but we loved the idea of sharing parents, and sitting down at a table with your partners with a calendar and making a schedule for the domestic labor. Scheduling is as much a part of non-monogamy as sex, though sex is what monogamous people tend to focus on when they hear about non-monogamy.
After about two years of long-distance dating and getting to know our whole family, Mike decided to move to our town to be close to us. He was divorced and had no kids and a job he could do from anywhere. When Mike first moved in we decided that he would have the small bedroom on the first floor because it was more private — all the way on the opposite side of the house from the kids’ rooms and the master bedroom. The idea was that Rob and I would keep the master bedroom but that I could go downstairs and sleep with Mike when I wanted to. Honestly, Rob has always preferred to sleep alone and was happy to have the bed to himself.
I was recently telling my son the story of his home birth, and he said, “Where was Mikey?” I had to explain to him that Mike wasn’t around yet. When my kids play pretend games, they talk about how a certain imaginary creature has green magic beams that shoot out of her fingers and she can fly and she’s polyamorous and nonbinary. For them, this is a perfectly normal way of living.
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