My daughter, who's in her 50s, reprimanded me for not giving her $25. She's told me numerous times that my inheritance is their money. How do I set boundaries with her, Moneyist?
Last week, my 55-year-old married daughter called to express her anger that I had failed to send her a $25 gift certificate. They have 401 accounts totaling over $750,000 and a home valued at over $550,000. Their youngest daughter has a full-ride academic and athletic scholarship for five years at a good university in the Southwest.
I had a trust drawn naming my two children as the beneficiaries, and my oldest daughter as executor. I am very disturbed by our conversations. I would never have asked or expected my parents to lend me money during their old age. I was a single mom for a long time, and I have been through my own struggles.
You can’t know what’s going on with them unless they tell you and, perhaps, there is room for you to help her with her grocery bills, if that’s something that you are comfortable doing. But you cannot become a de facto Ms. Fix-It every time something goes on. You’re her mother, not a piggy bank to be shook and chastised if she doesn’t hear it rattle.
She would be creating more problems by robbing her 401. As Bryson Roof, CFP, an investment adviser at Fort Pitt Capital Group in Pittsburgh, told MarketWatch: “The biggest cost associated with taking a 401 distribution is not taxes, it’s the opportunity cost of missing out on the growth of those funds that could have compounded over 20, 30 or 40 years.”
Check out the Moneyist private Facebook group, where we look for answers to life’s thorniest money issues. Readers write in to me with all sorts of dilemmas. Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns.• ‘I just don’t trust my sister’: How do I gift money to my nieces without their mother having access to it?
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