Being a mother isn’t easy, but I can only hope that the deliberate good I’ve done greatly outweighs any unintended damage I may have caused.
At dinner, I glance across the table at you as you take a bite of salad. Everything about this image strikes me—the size and shape of your fingers, the graceful way you spin the fork, the fact that you’ve willingly eaten salad without complaint for years.
I set out on my mothering journey with so many ideals for what I wanted to teach you, for the mom I wanted to be, for the family I wanted to create. I had goals and dreams for parenting, none of which involved losing my patience, having a perpetually messy house, and regularly escaping to Target alone.I was going to grow an organic garden and read you classic books out loud. I was going to be relaxed and fun, but also disciplined and organized.
I know I’ve done a lot of things right, but I also know I could have done a lot of things better. I always wanted to do my best at motherhood, but the thing about motherhood is that your best changes all the time. Some days you’re on top of everything—educational goals, emotional needs, physical and spiritual health, valuable life lessons, social navigation, home maintenance, and everything else.
We’re so close, you and me. We have been since I pulled you onto my belly and you looked up at me with round, alert eyes.is beyond anything I could have imagined. When you hurt, I hurt. When you’re happy, I’m happy. I feel everything through you, as if your emotions flow to me through an invisible thread.
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