‘My father has abandoned me twice in my life. I found him when I was 30, but he moved his girlfriend in — and disinherited me' The Moneyist quantanamo replies: 'Ultimately, it’s a mistake to see an inheritance as a proxy for your father’s love.'
My father abandoned me when I was a baby and he and my mother divorced. He never paid any child support. All I ever knew of him was his name. When I turned 30 and had a 6-year-old son, I decided I needed to find him.
He moved his girlfriend into his home, and he has given her access to all of his banking. He has taken me off all of his bank accounts, and I recently found out that he has disinherited me and made her his beneficiary. My father has abandoned me twice in my life. Time and memories build bonds, and I’m not sure that the relationship you have with him — given the amount of time you have spent together — can be compared to other real-time relationships. He may be a Hallmark Card father who has limitations you cannot change.
Your father is free to do what he wants with his assets — while he is alive and notwithstanding any concerns you may have about elder abuse — but no amount of money will mean that he did or did not love your childhood self in absentia. Your value as a lovable human being is not dependent on your father — nor is it dependent on an inheritance from him.
You can’t control how your father treats you. You do have control over the value you put on yourself. Thank him for being the person he is. You have no doubt learned more from him than you realize about your own strengths and ability to love, perhaps because of who he did not turn out to be rather than who he is.
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