UNDISCLOSED LOCATION—Persecuted and driven into hiding because of their beliefs, the nation’s oppressed Christians reportedly huddled in a secret underground bunker late Wednesday night to decorate and light a single withered Christmas shrub.
At great personal risk, the Christians were said to have smuggled in a few strings of colored mini lights, tinsel, popcorn garlands, Hallmark Keepsake ornaments, and other contraband in order to trim the shrub inside the subterranean chamber, the last place in America where they were safe to celebrate Christmas.
After double-checking on the chamber’s entrance hatch to ensure it was tightly closed and locked, Greg then reportedly led the gathered Christians in hushed renditions of “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” and “A Holly Jolly Christmas” as the shrub was lit.
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