As I debate whether or not to have a baby, I realize I finally have to address my prejudice toward parents.
As a kid, I knew something other kids didn’t: My parents were judging me. My grandparents were, too. They were judging me as mouthy or smart, annoying or erudite. The fact is, that sense of being monitored still governs my relationship with my parents and grandparents. I try to be good. I call my mom every day. Once or twice a month, I mailThe local post office may never be my favourite place, but it reminds me of being a kid, when my mom would drag me along to run errands.
Sweet god. The video lasted one minute and 13 seconds, and the woman watched every moment—every agonizing zoom-in on the candles—flicking away any text message that appeared. She was rapt and oblivious, aggravating the postal clerk , who called her to the window three times. C’mon, I thought, take care of your adult business: Mail your mail. We’ve all seen a kid before. Well, apparently the woman could not get enough.
The fact is, I judge parents—it’s a prejudice I’m working to overcome. I don’t want to think less of my relatives or friends for having children or my mom and dad for bringing me and my siblings into the world, but when I see adults whose lives seem ruled by kid business, I do. I judge. A couple of years ago, I started catching myself wondering, Would it be nice to have a baby? Would I love it? Would I be able to stomach myself if I was impelled by that love? But no matter how much I try to convince myself that parenthood isn’t a scourge, I still keep cringing when people send me pictures of their kids or when friends tell me they want to steal every baby they meet or when my husband says he thinksOnce, we went to the post office together and Gary asked where we met.
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