Perspective: I am terrified my newborn girl will inherit my 22-year-long eating disorder
By Kate Willsky May 4 at 9:00 AM I write this as I’m about to give birth to my baby girl. I’m full of excitement and disbelief at how much I already love this tiny stranger poking my rib cage. But I’m also tormented by a deep-seated fear. I’m terrified that my daughter will inherit my eating disorder, that my own decades-long struggle with anorexia will ruin my child’s life.
Once, when I was 6 or 7, I remember my dad helping me button my jeans — my stubby little fingers lacked adequate dexterity — and he said, “You’re getting pretty big for this.” He meant, of course, I was getting a bit old to have my dad button my pants. I, however, interpreted it to mean I was literally too big, that my stomach was growing too monstrous to be contained by my L.E.I.’s.
The first rule, according to experts, is both painfully obvious and incredibly difficult: For your kids to have healthy relationships with food and their bodies, you need to model similarly healthy relationships. It also, to the chagrin of those of us struggling with intransigent and deep-rooted diseases, means not just talking about food in a positive way, but eating it freely as well. This is particularly important because children copy parents’ behaviors around food, and dieting is one of the primary risk factors of eating disorders .
Ariane Machín, a clinical and sports psychologist and co-founder of the Conscious Coaching Collective, has seen firsthand how damaging adults’ attempts to micromanage kids’ eating can be: “One girl I worked with remembered her mom telling her she shouldn’t take a second piece of cake, and took that as her mom calling her fat.”
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