'I’ve been wondering whether writing about gender should require me to mine my own experiences with it.' 'Being a person having a miscarriage does not feel like being a journalist writing about it; it does not lend itself to rational thought.'
By Monica Hesse Monica Hesse Style reporter Email Bio Follow Columnist March 30 at 9:30 AM Matching my Type A personality, I’ve always had a Type A menstrual cycle — textbook, punctual, predictable to the hour. When I went into the bathroom one morning early this winter and didn’t need a tampon, I knew I was pregnant. Five minutes later, two pink lines confirmed it.
Meanwhile, the journalist part of me was mentally scrolling through the hundreds of women and men during my career who had not spared me their messiness. Who had let me into their stories, who had allowed me into their weddings and HIV tests, their abortions and church services, and who had talked with me about their sexual assaults, their abuse, their triumphs and traumas.
It lends itself to thoughts such as: Did this happen because I took a couple of Excedrin for a migraine the day before? Because I shoveled snow that morning, or cleaned the tub with Clorox instead of organic baking soda? A friend texted an article while I was writing this paragraph: “Pregnant teacher speaks out after being stabbed multiple times during carjacking.” My god, I thought. Nothing that terrible happened to me.
In the end, what complicated the sadness for me was kindness. When I eventually emailed my boss, I didn’t invent the flu. I told her what had happened, feeling inexplicably embarrassed — me and my dumb lady pain — but she wrote back, not embarrassed. The next day, she sent the loveliest crate of oranges and pears.
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