EARTH—According to a statement released to the press Tuesday, the planet Earth has "just about run out of ways" to let its roughly 6.9 billion human inhabitants know it wants them all to leave.
The Earth says events like this should have made it "pretty obvious" what it's been driving at.
Following a recent series of disastrous floods along the Mississippi River and destructive tornadoes across much of the United States—as well as a year of even deadlier natural catastrophes all over the world—the Earth said its options for strongly implying that it no longer wants human beings living on it have basically been exhausted."At this point, I think I've stated my wishes quite loudly and clearly," the Earth's statement to all of humanity read in part.
The Earth says all it can do at this point is keep manufacturing disasters and hope humanity finally "wises up." While the Earth had hoped the human race might finally "get the picture" following one of the harshest winter storm years in recorded history, it instead found that people simply went on with their lives, occasionally making reference to disaster victims in their thoughts and prayers but showing no intention whatsoever of preparing themselves for a long trip through the far reaches of space to find a new home.
México Últimas Noticias, México Titulares
Similar News:También puedes leer noticias similares a ésta que hemos recopilado de otras fuentes de noticias.
Binx Walton on Beauty Standards, Self-Expression, and Her Earth SignThe Fashion Industry Can't Put Model Binx Walton in a Box
Leer más »
15 Comforting Recipes the BA Staff Is Cooking This WeekIt’s all about making the foods that makes us feel better.
Leer más »
The One-Stop Guide to Cleaning the OvenIt's everything you need to stop making excuses.
Leer más »
Pantry Pasta with Garlic, Anchovies, and ParmesanThis dish is for when a 3 p.m. hang turns into a dinner party or when you've had too long of a day at work. But just because it's comfort food doesn’t mean there aren't techniques. They're the same ones that go into every restaurant pasta you've ever loved: Salt the boiling water; cook the pasta al dente; create a silky sauce that marries pasta water, Parmesan, olive oil, and butter.
Leer más »
Lady Gaga on Not Letting Pain and Depression 'Ruin' Her Life: 'I Still Work On Myself Constantly''If you're in pain and listening to this music, just know that I know what it's like to be in pain,' said the singer about her upcoming album Chromatica
Leer más »