'Christmas created space for me to surrender to my sadness'
, she arranged a co-parenting set-up to be proud of. But when it came to the festive season, she found the loss and loneliness far harder to hide...
Parenthood is a lot about the lies you tell: ‘the decorations look wonderful’; ‘you'll understand when you're older’. Becoming ajust meant adding a few more: ‘Mummy and Daddy still love each other’; ‘you're so lucky to have two houses!’ I’d had some practice living a lie. Successful co-parenting is a bit of a pantomime, one in which you laugh and clap through the bitterness. But no matter how hard you try, despite the magic and the lights, you can't fake Christmas.
On Christmas Eve the work stopped and I was alone in my unadorned flat. I didn't even decorate because I didn't want to try and feel Christmassy.
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