Parents often get upset because their child with ADHD doesn’t “act his age.” Well, he can’t. He isn’t there yet. Parents have to adjust our expectations and the metrics we use to measure our child’s behavior, social skills, and emotional regulation.
, Written Expression Disorder, Executive Functioning Deficits, and a gifted IQ, is often over emotional. He cries over things a 12-year-old typically wouldn’t spill a tear over, or he’ll get explosively frustrated over a task most 12-year-olds would let roll off their back. If I consider only Ricochet’s age, his behavior seems childish, perhaps babyish. But if I re-calibrate my yardstick to an ADHD metric, I recognize that his maturity is that of a nine-year-old.
This new yardstick is a helpful tool in determining appropriate consequences and punishment for a child with ADHD-something most parents struggle with, including me. We don’t want to punish our child for something related to his disability. Yet we don’t want to let misbehavior go without being addressed. While it’s harder for Ricochet to measure up to a 12-year-old standard, I still have to teach him the skills to meet societal behavioral expectations.
With my new yardstick, I can more accurately determine if a behavior misstep is appropriate for my son. Then I can determine the best course of action. If it wasn’t something he should know not to do if he were nine years old, then we talk about what happened, why it happened, and how he should react differently next time . If it was something that a nine-year-old knows not to do or could control, then he will likely receive a consequence.
Is switching to an ADHD metric easier said than done? Absolutely. It is hard to do, but it’s crucial to your parenting success and your child’s self-esteem. So, sit down and consider the developmental age of your child in light of his ADHD, and redefine your expectations to measure your child with an appropriate yardstick.
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