Ted Cruz Won't Say Whether He'd Blow a Man to End Global Hunger

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Ted Cruz Won't Say Whether He'd Blow a Man to End Global Hunger
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  • 📰 Jezebel
  • ⏱ Reading Time:
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  • 2 min. at publisher
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  • News: 18%
  • Publisher: 63%

Just one blowjob is all we're asking for, and the stakes have never been higher.

employees “DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM” so he could get back to D.C. on time to ask incoming Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson if babies are racist, and who would rather watch the whole world suffer than suck a penis.

For the record, Jezebel writers have historically been willing to take one for the team to end mass suffering. Asked, one of the least fuckable men on the planet, if it meant ending his presidential campaign in 2016, Anna Merlan confirmed that yes, she would suck it up and do what was necessary. She wrote:

For that reason, I would, if called upon by my country, if caught on a day when I’m feeling particularly patriotic, consider having sex with Donald Trump. I would need an excellent glass of wine beforehand, I would need to be high as hell, it would have to be in a position where I didn’t have to see his face, and I would need a guarantee that it wouldn’t last longer than like two minutes.

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