Need to apologize to someone you love? Making these common mistakes will hurt rather than help the relationship, writes psychauthormom
Apologies miss the mark when they focus on making the apologizer, rather than the injured party, feel better.Source: Motortion Films/Shutterstock
A sincere apology can be a great way to repair a relationship that has hit a rough patch. But, too often, apologies fall short. Here are some common apology mistakes that hurt rather than help your relationship:Just blurting out the word “sorry” doesn’t really convey regret or repentance. Especially when accompanied by an eye roll, this one-word apology sends the message, “I’ll say sorry because you insist, but I don’t really mean it. I just want you to stop harassing me.” Ouch.
Describe what you plan to do to prevent the problem from happening again and or how you plan to make amends or move forward in a better way. For example, you could say, “I’m so sorry I canceled our plans at the last minute. I know you put a lot of effort into those plans, and it must have been very annoying to have me spoil them. How about if I take you out for dinner tomorrow? My treat.”
Dear Abby once offered a useful guideline about apologies: “The person who is least wrong should apologize first.” Presumably, it’s a bit easier for the least-wrong person to admit fault. If you apologize first, maybe the other person will apologize to you, too. But even if you’re the only one to apologize, at least you’ll know that you did what you could to try to repair the relationship.
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