Is it actually possible to have a 'happy' divorce?
a family therapist
Another side of compartmentalizing involves keeping your children shielded from your spousal issues. In our survey, we asked our audience: what do you wish your parents had done differently during the divorce? Many wished their parents hadn’t exposed them to the disagreements. A sample of the responses:“I wish they would not have put us in the middle of it.”
, a lawyer who has drawn up co-parenting agreements and helped families through collaborative divorces. When you’re going through a divorce, she stresses the importance of finding someone besides your kids to vent to about your ex.Of course it’s easier said than done. Suzanne Hayes has been through the challenges of divorce and co-parenting and struggled early on to get along with her ex, including in front of their kids.
When creating a legal co-parenting agreement, you should also be mindful of any issues presented by your specific situations. For example, when a same-sex couple splits up, often one former spouse is a biological parent, while the other is a non-biological parent. “It is absolutely critical that the non-biological parent get a second-parent adoption to secure their legal parenting rights,” Adams said. “Being on the birth certificate is not enough, as that may not be accepted in all places.
How else can parents make divorce easier on the kids? “Certainly being a baby helps,” Ahorns told me, half joking. She explained that up through being toddlers, kids won’t remember a time when their parents were together. “They can pretty well adjust,” she said. When we asked our readers how they felt about their parents’ romantic relationships post-divorce, there was a trend in the answers. The readers who had a positive relationship with their step-parents also noted earlier in the survey that their parents kept things amicable overall. Some sample responses:
Based on these insights, it seems that parents who are generally respectful of their children’s needs, by keeping things amicable with their ex, will also win their children's approval and love for their new partners.6. Do Handle the Aftermath of Affairs With Care “Children don't need you to be best friends,” Ahorns assured me. “But they don't want to feel like they're in fear about what's going to happen next when you're together.” She also cautions against favoritism or trying to get a kid to talk badly about the other parent when they’re not around.
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