'Depression lies. It tells you you’ve always felt this way, and you always will. But you haven’t, and you won’t.' Things that get me through bad depression days:
Once, in the middle of a longish bout of depression, a friend offered to come over and bring some fancy coffees and groceries and just sit with me in case I wanted to talk. She understood that I didn’t feel like good company – I didn’t even feel much like a human. She understood that I was having trouble eating food at all, let alone anything nurturing for my body. What she didn’t understand was that I couldn’t let her come.
Sometimes when you’re depressed, even the things that seem simple or every-day can take a huge effort. When things feel pointless, the list of seemingly simple things and the list of complicated, more difficult-to-approach things can get all tangled up in your head as equally unapproachable. Soon enough, taking a shower or eating a piece of fruit can feel just as senseless and remote as planning a trip to the moon.
When everything is the same amount of overwhelming, making any effort can feel futile. So you isolate yourself a little bit more, to make sure no one can see. To make things even worse, during a depression self-care can feel like something you don’t deserve – self-care is for good, productive people, and that is definitely not you, right? The resulting thought-spiral about how, whether, and why to bother doingI have gotten stuck in that loop a time or four.
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