How to set healthy boundaries so that you don't bear the brunt of other people's problems
Thus if you find it difficult to stop your friend or partner dumping on you, you may have this tendency which comes from the"freeze" part of our fight-flee-freeze threat brain response repertoire. Whilst animalsfreeze by remaining still, humans freeze their own needs and beliefs so that they can fully focus on the other person—which feels like the safest thing to do when we feel fear.
Discovering that you may be caught in a threat brain freeze loop is your first step in learning how to deal with people who take advantage of you. Ask yourself:and consider where you fall on the continuum from submissive to dominant . Then taking small steps towards becoming compassionatelyThree ways to say no to trauma dumping
Learn about your threat brain and share with your friend/partner how trauma dumping increases threat brain activity and creates anxiety and stress in both of you. Let your friend/partner know that when your threat brain is activated, it makes trauma worse, and research shows that breathing slowly and regularly is better than talking when we are feeling fearful. Invite your friend to stop talking and to breathe—you can do this together.. When you do see them, rehearse beforehand how you will say"no"—perhaps by telling them that you will listen for 10 minutes only.
Post-traumatic stress disorder is a potentially serious problem where flashbacks and potent memories disorganize the mind and the ability to relate to others, and it is more likely to require a serious effort on the part of the listener to assist with finding help. Trauma dumping, on the other hand, requires the listener to manage the impact on themselves and the relationship.Wickremasinghe, N Beyond Threat. Triarchy.
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