“Do not fear you will never find someone right and don’t settle for a crap relationship”
Generally speaking, dating is hard as f-ck. You have to think about what you’ll wear and if the person across from you is actually interested in your personality and if you have food in your teeth and where to put your hands when you’re not eating and should you be making this much eye contact??? Now try to imagine the process as someone who has Autism Spectrum Disorder .
Do you find it difficult to meet new people? Absolutely. I have co-morbid anxiety disorder, which makes meeting people a stressful idea to say the least. Because of that, if I’m on a date or meeting someone, I sweat, pick at my skin and count the minutes until I’m alone again. Sensory problems prevent me from going to places where other people congregate. Generally speaking, I can’t go to places where other people my age “have fun,” because their fun is my personal hell.
Do you find it difficult to meet new people? Meeting anyone is difficult. I feel like I can’t be my true self unless I have already gotten to know the person online. I always present as more interesting when I have time to think—I need to process the question, and then answer. My autism can cause me to come across as introverted and very anxious, so it’s difficult to show people my witty side. When I try to compensate for those shortcomings, I say too much and forget to filter.
Before you got married, did you date? I went on one accidental date because I didn’t read the signals until I was in the movie with my distant cousin and some friend of his. He said, “bring a friend along!” and I didn’t know that meant a double date, so it was just me and these two guys and I’d shown up in a ponytail—it was a nightmare and that boy never talked to me again. When I was 19, I started dating my now-husband and never left.
Do you find it difficult to meet new people? Yes! I’m very much an introvert, so unless I have friends dragging me to a social event, I typically won’t go. My city has a small lesbian population, and my ASD makes communicating more difficult. As a result, I can never tell if somebody is interested in me or just being nice, so I tend to err on the side of caution.
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