“I’m not bossy. I’m a leader.”
I stopped arguing and just looked at her for a moment. I was left with a few decisions as a parent. I could continue to assert my position on this whole peanut butter versus grilled cheese sandwich issue. I could lay down the law, and squash her little spirit because I’m the parent, the alpha and omega, and she had no business telling me, her father, what we were having for lunch. Her brother and sister were agreeable enough, and I wasn’t in the mood for further work to get them fed.
But then I thought about the kind of girl I wanted to raise. Frankly, I want her to be a leader. I want her to be the kind of woman who stands up to her boss. I want her to look a man in the eye, and tell him “no” or “yes” or “leave” or “stay” or whatever needs to be said. I want her to feel confident and empowered when she does so. And sure, if we are looking at the definition of strong leadership, stomping your foot and making demands probably doesn’t qualify . But she’s four.
Here’s the thing with strong-willed children: If parents and teachers don’t squash it out, they will likely grow up to be passionate, strong, brave, independent adults. They will be the movers and the shakers. They will be the ones to stand up in a work meeting and disagree. They will be the ones to say, “But have you tried it this way?”is seen as a detriment, and frankly, we have to re-frame the way we look at those qualities.
So back to that moment with my little girl and the sandwiches… I looked her straight in the face. I thought about how important it was for her to identify herself as a leader. I thought about how I’m in my mid-30s, and I still don’t identify myself as a leader. I thought about how, in the leader department, she was already way ahead of me. Naturally, we would have her whole life to teach her how to act like a good leader that is worthy of being followed, but right then, I didn’t assert myself.
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