How our experience shapes us and our relationships—for better or worse
, with downstream consequences for the way we engage with the world around us, deal with emotions, and behave socially.We don’t learn to love by being instructed to love; we learn to love by experiencing love.
We don’t learn to calm down by being told to “calm down!”; we learn to calm down by experiencing being calmed . We don’t learn to respect others by being told to respect others; we learn to respect others by experiencing ourselves and others being respected. We don’t learn kindness by being told to be kind; we learn kindness by experiencing kindness in our darkest moments .
This transforms one of the key questions about raising kids: Perhaps we should ask not how to teach our children kindness, butHuman children learn kindness by experiencing it first-hand.
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