When her grandmother passed away, madelynchung struggled to understand why her Chinese family seemed so indifferent
My beloved poh poh , who lived on the tiny island of Mauritius, had been having health problems for three years, so, knowing she might not be around much longer, my mother and I decided to visit her.
Talking about death is hard enough, but cultural traditions can make it even more complicated. Part of my fear of talking about the death of my poh poh came from my Chinese family’s aversion to talking about death in general. I remember being told by relatives from a young age that the number four was unlucky because in Chinese the word for it sounds very similar to the word for “death.
Crazy Rich Asians star Awkwafina plays the role of Billi, who is based on Wang herself. Like her character, Wang had emigrated from China to the United States at a young age and didn’t have anyone to share her first-generation perspective of her family’s decision to keep Nai Nai’s illness from her.
The expression of grief is related to other aspects of culture My family’s aversion to expressing their feelings is typical of Chinese families. Traditionally, Asian cultures place great value on the family as a unit and are collectivist by nature. Bringing honour and not shame to the family is of utmost importance, which is why Asians are often expected to suppress rather than express their feelings.
“There are so many people who, based on the way they are wired, grieve in very different ways,” she says. “A lot of times, more verbal people are going to express themselves through talking, whereas some people are far more cerebral and it’s more of an intellectual process as opposed to an emotional one.”
Chris K. K. Tan, an anthropologist at the School of Social and Behavioral Sciences at Nanjing University in China, says the main purpose of mourning rituals is to “allow the bereaved family to mourn the passing of the deceased in a dignified manner.”
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