'My sister saw me as a person suffering, not a lowly drunk. She saw me as a sick person, not a bad person.'
, a good daughter, and a good person would want to stop drinking. I wanted to stop hurting people, but for so long I didwant to stop drinking. I loved every minute of it. This is the insanity of the disease. Despite the many negative consequences, I still only wanted alcohol.
But when my sister spoke these words to me, I felt a little less crazy and a little less worthless. She got it. I could just be me and still be unconditionally loved. For a minute, the blame of this disease was taken off of me. I didn't feel like a terrible person. I didn't feel unlovable or worthless.
I continued to try sobriety. I simply couldn't bear the path of destruction I was leaving in every direction. But I wanted to stop just as much as I wanted to keep drinking, and failed attempt after failed attempt left me feeling defeated. I wanted to give up and resign myself to a life of chronic alcoholism because I grew so sick of failure. But again, there was my sister, with more great words of encouragement:"I commend you for continuing to try.
, and her words stay in the forefront of my mind to this day to remind me that I am worthy of unconditional love, sobriety, and happiness. I wish I could find the perfect words to thank my sister, but they just don't exist. I can, however, strive to be more like her: to seek the good in the bad, the light in the dark, and to love with a heart that is forgiving, compassionate, and empathetic.
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