“My pubes are like a dirty, unmade bed that only gets fixed up when someone with hygiene standards comes over”
Photo: Photo Illustration by Stevie Remsberg/Photo Getty I’d never had a Brazilian before. I’d never waxed at all, and often don’t trim or shave or even really look “down there,” as the salon I chose phrased it on their Wix website. I have extremely long pubic hair and just looking at it embarrasses me, even when I’m all by myself. There is a part of me that believes my pubic hair length could be in the Guinness Book of World Records.
It’s not that I don’t care. I’d love to have neatly trimmed body hair. It’s just that, for the most part, I simply can’t be bothered with maintenance. But before my first Brazilian appointment, I frantically tried to clean up shop with a pair of scissors over the toilet, lest my esthetician know what kind of squalor I live in. My pubes are like a dirty, unmade bed that only gets fixed up when someone with hygiene standards comes over.
She spread hot wax over the top of my bush before I had the chance to tell her I wanted a little patch left behind, as a safety blanket, something to hold in the middle of the night if I got scared. Then, after saying something about double dipping that I didn’t understand, she ripped the wax off. Now that the waxing had begun, the anticipation was worse than the wax rips themselves. I braced myself for each one, clenched my whole body, involuntarily closed my thighs onto the esthetician, who simply moved my legs back into splayed position and told me to relax and that I was causing my crotch to overheat. Just when I thought she was going to skip my bottom and save us all the humiliation, she asked me to lift my legs, and she waxed my butthole.
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