Many people try to turn their requests into obligations by pushing you to justify why you won't give up your time for what they need. The ability to say this could be a big help.
to make you feel bad if you don’t want to do what they want you to do. If you think about it, it’s remarkable that people can make you feel bad about not doing something that you never wanted to do in the first place, and then on top of that, even make you feel bad for not wanting to do it. One of the most striking examples is answering the phone.
Most people had answering machines, so you wouldn’t miss anything if you waited until after dinner. Apparently, each person took on some kind of obligation to whoever was calling, even though they had no idea of who was calling and whether it was a call they would welcome or wish they hadn’t answered.
However, it is equally important that each partner also have the capacity to be selfish because there is no pleasure in giving to someone who is unable to receive.
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