“In my same-sex relationship, we don’t fall back on gender roles”
Photo: Gluekit I love my straight female friends, but watching them divvy up parenting responsibilities with their baby daddies drives me bonkers. These are women who attended fiercely all-girls’ schools, watched Buffy, and serve on women-in-the-workplace committees. They married groovy guys with hip glasses and evolved into counterparts of smart, savvy couples. But then something went awry: They slipped into sexist models of parenting.
There are stronger rationales for the inequalities. Breastfeeding can influence the initial division of time, but the imbalance often continues after the kids are weaned, and many times it’s self-imposed. A mom-friend with a needy 1-year-old lamented, “Now that we’ve weaned Davey, it is finally possible for me to leave him with my husband for more extended periods, yet I still have a nagging worry that he will have a meltdown and really need or want me.
In my same-sex relationship, we don’t fall back on gender roles. It’s not all 50-50 here in two-mom central, but job schedules and personalities divide labor, not chromosomes. I teach part-time and write from home, so I get more time with my daughter, but it’s my productivity that takes a hit when I need to cover for the sitter or meet with roofers.
Having said all this, I will admit that at times I yearn for a nice gender role to knock on our door with a list of personalized jobs. Our daughter recently graduated to a bigger car seat, and it was like a game of chicken to see who would install it. I wanted one of us to be able to shout, “You’re the man! You do it!”
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