CHICAGO—Expressing optimism and excitement for what her romantic future might hold, local woman Fiona Dixon reportedly wondered Monday if the man she just went on a date with might finally be the one she’ll sleep with for a few weeks before losing interest. “I know we just met, but I’m feeling such a strong connection with Brian that I could definitely see us getting together again for mediocre sex and sort of just doing that for about a month until I get bored,” said Dixon, detailing her date’s passable yet unintimidating looks and sense of humor that was funny enough to be entertaining but not smart enough to be engaging. “He has everything I’ve ever dreamed of—a decent body, medium intelligence, and the right amount of interests in common to keep me occupied for a little while before I realize how incompatible we are, maybe hook up a couple more times, and then move on. Mark my words: One day, I’m going to ditch this man for something better and then repeat the cycle.” At press time, Dixon had giddily saved her companion’s mobile number into her phone contacts as “Future Mr. Wrong.”
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