A 2017 study found that women who stay single or who divorce are actually healthier than those who stay married. By contrast, married men are healthier than men who are not. Why the discrepancy? Via guardian
Not long ago I had a discussion with a friend about why she married, and ultimately divorced, someone she knew wasn’t right for her. She said she bought into society’s deafening message that being with a man – any man – is better than being alone, and certainly better than dying alone, which is allegedly the worst fate anyone, especially any woman, can suffer.
“Broke men are hurting women’s marriage prospects,” the NY Post recently declared, citing a study from the Journal of Family and Marriage. The article claimed that “most American women hope to marry” but there is a shortage of men with stable incomes and lives, making it tough for women to do so. Then there are the rest of us, who believe that traditional marriage is great for some, but not for everybody, and we certainly don’t feel like lonely failures for choosing to opt-out.
For years, the feminist writer Linda Hirshman courted controversy by advising that marriage, unless to an exceptional man, is often a “bad bargain” for women. With every child a woman has, she sees her pay and long-term professional opportunities decline, particularly if she leaves the workforce for a significant period of time.
While trying to explain the danger of incels to my mother, I was surprised to hear her say, “Well, they’re not entirely wrong.” Realizing my horror, she went on to explain that women used to need a man to survive. That led to a lot of bad marriages and deterred divorces. She loves that, thanks to modern feminism, she gets to see women like me make decisions that are not predicated on needing a man to keep a roof over my head. “You don’t have to settle,” she said.
Which is why I owe a big thank you to my mom. Despite being married for nearly 50 years, she’s never pressured me to get married . But the main reason I owe her thanks is because she’s never minded going to dinner by herself. Until I grew older I didn’t realize such a small act was actually strangely politically subversive. Countless adults are terrified of simply going to the movies by themselves.
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