These five women see their experiences with bosses, mentors, or teachers differently today
Photo: Joseph Mcdermott/Getty Images/Ikon Images The recent wave of harassment allegations has increasingly exposed the way a distinct power imbalance can blur the boundary of consent.
Not long after, he gave me his personal phone number and told me to call him, and we started having these long conversations after work, which would start with him saying things like, “What are you ambitions? I want to help you.” After a couple of weeks, he told me how pretty I looked and was leaving notes on my desk and taking me to dinner. Then one night he said, “You know what would be really great? If we had phone sex right now.” I can’t believe this now, but I did it.
I’ve been thinking about that summer a lot lately, and I’m like, God, this guy was the biggest piece of shit, and he made me feel like a piece of shit. I have felt so ashamed about this, because I went along with it, but I do think it’s time to unpack some of that guilt. It’s not a coincidence that this guy and men like him go after women who are just starting out. I really felt at the time that he held my career in his hands.
After that trip, he started sending me letters and showing up at my house with gifts I didn’t want, and I did this weird teenage thing where I said, “Let’s just be friends.” He wouldn’t accept it, and so I felt forced into a relationship with him. He would invite me over and I felt like I couldn’t say no. Everyone had heard that we’d had sex at the hotel, and I was almost trying to take ownership of it. I didn’t want anyone to know that maybe someone had had sex with me without me knowing it.
“He looked at me and told me, ‘Thank God you’re not beautiful.’” — Sheila, 55 It was my first Christmas party in a corporate environment. I was 21, and I worked for this bank, and they threw the party that year in this big executive foyer. Then at 6 p.m., he showed up at my door with a bottle of Champagne and I was like, The only way to keep my job is not to say anything and have sex with him. We had sex, and I felt relieved when he left.
“I felt dirty and ashamed. But also, I’m a people-pleaser.” — Alicia, 38 I was in college and had an internship at a newspaper that stretched over two summers. The first summer, there was an editor who would bring me articles he thought I should read and give me feedback on my pieces. He was by far the best writer on staff, and so it was such a compliment for him to be taking an interest in my work. The second summer, I had an internship somewhere else, but it fell through at the last minute.
When I got back to school, the editor started writing me daily poems, which he followed up with articles he thought I should read. He knew I loved journalism, and he would find ways to give me assignments remotely. I got kind of hooked on this, and for a time, I did think of him as my boyfriend. But there were red flags that things weren’t normal. I once called him with a basic question and went to run errands, and when I came back to my dorm, I had dozens of messages — all from him.
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