'This is not a story of fearlessness. It’s a story of itching nerves and deep-belly dread.'
Spring convocation of undergrad came and went in a dizzy haze. Flurries of champagne silk and moving boxes seemed to swirl around me in a blur. I remember walking to receive my diploma in a kind of trance – my hyperactive, anxiety-driven brain was already thinking about the long road ahead of me.
This is not a story of fearlessness. It’s a story of itching nerves and deep-belly dread. As I waded through customs that day, radical self-doubt throttled itself against the walls of my chest. The soon-to-be familiar thud of security bins against conveyor belts echoed as if worlds away from my own. Now, I was a lucky girl. I still am. I grew up in a two-parent household who raised their daughters as superheroes. There were no limits in our house. It was “atta girl,” “try again,” “we believe in you.” I know not everyone is so fortunate. That I grew up in a locus of radical encouragement was exactly the stability that made me feel safe enough to jump, not knowing where I’d land.
This rhetoric spills into women pursuing adventure in all its flavours, be it starting a new business, taking a salsa class, or learning a new language. We laden women, sometimes even unconsciously, with spoonsful of perfect as the standard, and failure as the worst possible outcome.
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