Is someone you care about suffering or in emotional pain? Here's how to be a supportive friend in their time of need, writes ncolier
When in the midst of great sadness or grief, people really want someone to be with them in their pain.
Have you ever told a friend about a deeply upsetting experience and then had the friend tell you all the reasons why that experience won’t be upsetting at some point in the future? Have you ever been thatIf we’re no longer a child, we probably already know that our feelings are going to change over time. We’ve had enough life experience to trust this truth.
We share our pain so that we're not so alone in it, so that we can have company in our present moment with the pain that's here. But when someone tells us that we’ll grow accustomed to what feels terrible right now, the result is that we feel even more alone in our pain. In being pointed towards an imaginary future, we feel abandoned in this now, and this moment’s grief. The reassurance of a better tomorrow leaves us without comfort, company, or support today.
My friend needed to know that this moment's grief was infinite in its magnitude. To know that it was forever and would never feel okay was paradoxically comforting. When we arethat a time will come when we won’t mind this new dreadful reality so much, it feels as if we are being asked to minimize our current pain and thus betray our aching hearts.it can feel like the other person has offered assurance that allowscan now sleep at night because they know we won’t have to feel so bad forever.
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