If you've ever overly accommodated to avoid hurting another person, which typically ends up back-firing for both parties— you're fragilizing.
, PhD, clinical director of Light on Anxiety, a cognitive behavioral therapy treatment center in Chicago.Most of the time, people act this way because they're worried that someone is too sensitive to respond to disappointment, although often this is far from the truth. People withhave a tendency to jump to worst-case scenarios, in this case, that your friend would hate you forever over some minor slight like skipping a party.
If you're determined to stop doing this, it's important to start small, and choose one specific area or relationship where you want to improve, Dr. Kissen says. For example, if you always tell your partner you"don't care where you eat," even though you actually do care and have an opinion, you could start by voicing your thoughts in the moment."Pick really specific ways to work that muscle of learning to tolerate other people’s emotional distress," she suggests.
Ultimately, the opposite of fragilizing is being assertive, which we could all stand to do. In life and relationships, sometimes you have to have a tough conversation or deal with a disappointment in order to grow.
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