'When we’re dealing with a loss, we’re not asking people to tell us something true about life –- we want to be met where we are, just as we are.' How to avoid saying the wrong thing to someone who is grieving, according to a clinical psychologist:
Many years ago when my wife and I lost our first two pregnancies less than six months apart, a friend of ours reassured us that “everything happens for a reason.” I was furious. While I knew she meant it to be helpful, I found the remark deeplyYou’ve probably been on both sides of this dynamic. When faced with another person’s grief, you want to be comforting, but you worry that you’ll say “the wrong thing” and inadvertently make it worse.
The thing is, many of these statements may be true. The person may no longer be in pain. They did have a long, full life. With time, the pain of grief may ease. But when we’re dealing with a loss, we’re not asking people to tell us something true about life –- we want to be met where we are, just as we are.The most important thing is to be present.
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