My Anxiety Turns Me Into The Kind Of Mom I Don’t Want To Be

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My Anxiety Turns Me Into The Kind Of Mom I Don’t Want To Be
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The situations are different, but the anxiety is familiar.

The situations are different—a global pandemic versus the—but the anxiety is familiar. The questions that keep me distracted during the day and awake at night are identical: What will tomorrow look like? When will it be easier to breathe? Is there any way to make this—all of this—feel just a little lighter?feels too familiar. That fluttery, middle of the night sense that things are spiraling out of my control is back.

As a global pandemic sweeps the globe, my anxiety levels have returned to heights seen only in the weeks and months following the night my young husband died of a vicious brain cancer. It wasn’t a moment of clarity or some sudden ability to take a breath before I reacted in a way I’d later regret. It wasn’t a combination of time and settling into a new normal or even learning to live in the present rather than following a trail of “what ifs” into a murky future.

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