Here's what that means.
By Keira Tobias // Illustration by Emily Flake
It was complicated, I guess, but it didn’t feel that way. He was my best friend. I didn’t call him my boyfriend, because to me, “boyfriend” was a very heterosexual word, and I always knew on some level that I wasn’t heterosexual, and neither was our relationship. Like almost any other couple, we hung out all the time, obsessed over shared interests, held hands, cuddled, and shared a bed. We just happened to never have sex in that bed.
And yes, some asexual people masturbate. According to the Asexuality Archive’s Guide to Masturbation , masturbation is a physical act that does not require sexual attraction. “Whether or not you masturbate has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not you’re asexual,” the site states. “Many asexuals who masturbate say they do it because it feels good. There is nothing un-asexual about masturbating strictly for pleasure.
I want all the typical things from a romantic relationship...emotional intimacy, commitment, even touch, but I don’t have the need for sex that most people do. I’ve come out as asexual to my oldest and closest friends, but not to my family or most of my current friends. I generally find myself not knowing how to bring it up, and feel like I’d be sharing something overly personal, even though it’s just my orientation. I don’t like to draw attention to my lack of sexual interest or invite probing questions.
I have now been single for seven years, and I don’t feel like my life has been lacking because of it. I think it would be nice to have a partner again someday, if a compatible person came along. I used to be hesitant to tell people I was asexual, due to a deep fear of being immediately dismissed as “out of the running” to be their partner. My ego couldn’t stand that idea. It took years to build self-esteem and understand that my worth doesn’t lie in my compatibility with a person.
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