Perspective: We lessen our own burden when we lessen someone else’s.
I’m far better than I was two years ago when I was undergoing radiation treatment for thyroid cancer, the results of which were cataclysmic. But if I look at my body’s overall trajectory, despite my best efforts — I walk at least a mile each day with my walker, stopping often, but still doing it — I’m definitely getting worse.
Depending on what I can afford in any given month — medical bills have demolished my finances — I also bring doughnuts, warm coffee, bottled water, batteries for space heaters, clean clothes, blankets, pillows and umbrellas. This is how I was raised; this is how I see myself. I’m supposed to be a helper.So, I worry that even my closest friends will become secretly bored if they have to keep meeting me at the cafe across the street instead of going, oh, I don’t know, to any other place on earth.
I’ve been friends with many of them for decades and am blessed to have many sane, loving family members. They’re not saying they can’t take it anymore, but maybe I’m projecting my own doubts onto them because, really, I wouldn’t inhabit this body if I didn’t have to. Just the chronic pain alone is enough to make me long for an escape hatch.
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